10 leçons pour se faire larguer par son mec

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Vous êtes en couple depuis quelques jours, quelques semaines ou quelques années… mais le charme n’opère plus de votre côté ! Vous rêvez d’une autre vie, célibataire ou dans les bras d’un autre… Le hic est qu’il tient vraiment à vous et que vous ne souhaitez pas lui faire de mal ! À défaut de pouvoir le larguer ouvertement, faites en sorte que ça soit lui qui parte ! Voici donc la liste des pires défauts qui feront craquer votre homme ! Résultat assuré ;)

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1) Soyez désagréable !

Montrez-vous désagréable et capricieuse ! Faites toujours l’inverse de ce qu’il vous demande ! Ne faites jamais de compromis et restez toujours sur votre position. Aussi, n’oubliez pas de lui faire des reproches sur sa manière de s’habiller, de manger et de parler ! Un homme a ses limites et ne supportera pas longtemps une femme désagréable, têtue et impolie !

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2) Rabaissez-le en public

Ne manquez pas l’occasion d’humilier votre homme et de le casser devant ses amis ! S’il fait une bêtise, hurlez-lui à la face comme à gamin de 4ans. Vous pouvez même utiliser la violence physique en faisant passer cela pour de la rigolade.  Pincez-le au bras, donnez-lui des coups de pied ou balancez-lui un objet à la figure. Faites-lui des scènes de jalousie en public, quitte à vous excuser plus tard! N’oubliez pas de lui donner des surnoms ridicules comme « mon kiki » ou « mon poussin ». Il n’aura qu’une seule envie : SE TIRER !!!

4 de 12

3) Faites l’impasse sur le ménage

Évitez de faire le ménage régulièrement et osez même laisser des cheveux dans la baignoire. Faites aussi l’impasse sur la cuisine et prétendez être tout le temps fatiguée. Lorsqu’il rentre du travail, restez couchée sur votre canapé et continuez à regarder la télé ou à lire votre bouquin. Dîtes-lui que vous n’avez pas faim et qu’il trouvera un tas de boîtes de conserve dans le placard de la cuisine. Cela le fera sûrement réagir !

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4) Négligez votre apparence

Évitez de prendre soin de vous. Gardez vos cheveux défaits et sales  et évitez de vous maquiller. Trainez en pyjama à la maison. Oubliez les manucures, pédicures et brushings. Dîtes que vous préférez rester naturelle !
Pétez et rotez ouvertement et sans gêne ! Les hommes ne trouvent pas ça très féminin.
Aussi, laissez trainer vos culottes sales et vos tampons dans la salle bain. Cela va forcément l’écœurer !

6 de 12

5) Comparez-le à votre ex

N’hésitez pas à parler de votre ex lorsque l’occasion se présente. Dites qu’il était très romantique et qu’il aimait vous offrir des cadeaux et des weekends surprise, que des hommes comme lui, ça ne court pas les rues.
Proposez-lui aussi de changer de look en précisant que votre ex avait beaucoup de goût et qu’il savait s’habiller. Si votre homme est un peu jaloux, cela va forcément l’énerver.

7 de 12

6) Soyez collante

Montrez-lui que vous êtes une vraie déséquilibrée affective ! Soyez collante et harcelez-le au téléphone. Piquez une crise lorsqu’il vous parle d’une autre femme (sa collègue, sa belle-sœur) et menacez de vous suicider s’il vous quitte pour une autre. Espionnez-le et fouillez dans ses affaires (SMS, emails, conversations Facebook et autres). Montrez lui que vous n’avez aucune confiance en vous, encore moins en lui ! Si votre relation est récente, parlez de choses plus sérieuses et dites-lui que vous souhaitez le présenter à vos parents pour passer à l’étape supérieure ! Montrez-lui que tout cela vous emballe et que vous  le voyez  déjà comme le futur papa de vos enfants ! Montrez-lui que vous avez réfléchi à tout et que votre vie à deux est déjà toute tracée ! Votre homme doit se sentir étouffé !

8 de 12

7) Réveillez-le au beau milieu de la nuit

Attendez que votre homme soit bercé dans les bras de Morphée pour le réveiller en sursaut. Dîtes lui des choses débiles du genre « J’ai rêvé que tu me trompais » ou « je n’arrive pas à croire que ça fait déjà un mois qu’on est ensemble ». Vous pouvez aussi lui sortir le fameux classique « J’en peux plus ! T’arrêtes pas de ronfler ! ». Faites-lui ça régulièrement et vous verrez qu’il ne pourra plus tenir !

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8) Refusez de faire l’amour

S’il y’a une chose sur laquelle les hommes sont chatouilleux et sensibles c’est bien le sexe ! Refusez de  faire l’amour sous prétexte que vous êtes fatiguée ou mal épilée !
Évitez tout rapport physique comme les bisous et les câlins. Peu importe l’amour qu’il vous porte, votre homme ne sera plus comblé et pensera à vous quitter !

10 de 12

9) Commettez l’impardonnable

Si malgré toutes ces recommandations, votre homme ne lâche toujours pas prise, il faudra passer à la vitesse supérieure ! Commettez l’acte qui signifiera irrémédiablement la fin. Ainsi, vous pourrez draguer son meilleur ami ou son patron, manquer de respect à ses parents ou encore saboter un projet auquel il tenait ! À vous de chercher l’horrible acte qu’il ne pourra jamais pardonner !

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10) C’est fini ! Vous êtes une femme libre

Votre homme se sentira tellement négligé et dégouté qu’il finira par s’en aller ! 

Cependant, s’il vous assure qu’il tient toujours à vous, posez-vous les bonnes questions ! C’est peut-être un homme qui en vaut vraiment la peine ! Ou peut-être qu’il est gay et que vous êtes une bonne couverture sociale…À méditer !
Et pour toutes les autres qui tiennent à leur couple, voyez en cela tout ce qu’il ne faut pas faire pour garder votre homme ;)

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